The destination is indeed brilliant and even immortal, but the ordinary scenery along the way also has its charm.
The Source of Failure#
Since graduation, I suddenly lost the goal I had been striving for. On the one hand, it was due to the laziness I developed, and on the other hand, it was because of the anxiety of not knowing what to do. I escaped through games and videos, until the beginning of this year.
Perhaps influenced by the master of failure and learning, bboczeng, and the prevailing trend of layoffs, internal conflicts have escalated. I am filled with disgust due to the false propaganda of the media, and I want to escape from here, to see the world in my heart.
But unfortunately, I don't have that ability. When desire exceeds ability, I realize that I am probably unable to escape from this cage and cannot succeed.
The young man who once held a sword in my heart is now mingling among the common people.
The panic of failure is constantly in my mind, even though I still go to work as usual and have no emotional fluctuations, but I always have a deep sense of powerlessness and despair.
Self-healing#
I tried to adjust myself, not to pay attention to internet news, not to pay attention to the information of outstanding peers, but the effect was not very good. I am very grateful for the invitation from my blind date partner. We had a meal and talked about my failure. Although the way of comforting was straightforward and unsuccessful (I'm sorry (> 人 <;), I didn't mean anything else 🥹, but it did give me an opportunity to observe my true inner self.
People are always entangled by their unconscious thoughts, coupled with the fast pace of life, it is difficult to stop and examine their true inner world. Through a conversation and my vague expression of failure, I know that I don't care about whether I can succeed or not, but I care that I have been left far behind by my peers.
Although I don't have much material pursuit, the desire to be strong and competitive in my heart has not been extinguished by two failures in life. It's just that these two failures have caused me to lose too many resources, and my peers have completely surpassed me. I am desperate because of this, I am regretful because of this, and I am evading because of this. Fortunately, my pride is still there, my learning ability is still acceptable, I am still young, and my future is still promising.
Open Source Contributions#
As a failed person + a newbie, I made two PRs for arco-design this week, which have been merged. I feel a great sense of achievement. It's so happy to contribute to open source 🥰🥰🥰.
Both PRs are very simple. One is for arco-plugins. Its default icon prefix is empty, which requires an additional configuration when importing. However, when we use icons, we usually copy them from web pages, and they usually have the icon- prefix by default. So I made a PR to add a default prefix.
The second PR is a bug fix for the tree component. The reason is that when implementing the limit on the number of selected nodes, it does not take effect. By checking the component events with vue-devtools, I found that the update:selectedKeys is updated after select, which means that the selectedKeys updated in the select event will still be changed back to the original value by the subsequent update:selectedKeys. The same problem also occurs in check.
After the PRs were merged, shamelessly, I pinned arco-design-vue to my personal profile 🤣.
GitHub Profile#
Referring to the pattern of pseudoyu, I implemented the automatic synchronization of my blog documents to the Profile repository, and used GitHub PAT (personal access token) to read private files from the running repository. The only regret is that I cannot read the personal bookshelf information from WeChat Read, so I have to update it manually every week.
Life is Never Perfect#
I always expect myself to become what I want to be and get what I want before thinking about other things, such as dating, getting married, and having children. But reality always goes against my wishes. Along the way, because of my willfulness and recklessness, I have lost too much that could have belonged to me. Because of my inner weakness and inferiority, I have also let down the kindness and efforts of many people. I feel very ashamed.
Someone once said, "Life is lived for those few wonderful moments in a lifetime." I used to think so too and wanted to strive for it. The destination is indeed brilliant and even immortal, but the ordinary scenery along the way is also very charming. May we live in the present!