Just like the year-end reports released by major software companies, the annual summary is special because after a long year, people always want to reminisce about what happened in the past year and what memories are worth cherishing.
This year was truly a special year, and my spiritual totem was shattered.
It was the darkest year in my life, and my low state fluctuated throughout the year.
Sacred Timeline#
At the beginning of the year, I returned to my hometown after many years. Since my student days, I have rarely spent the Chinese New Year in my hometown, and my impression of my hometown is limited to a few nearby houses.
The whole Spring Festival was mediocre, and I also experienced blind dates for the first time. I have to say, it was boring. I don't need marriage to prove my existence, but we can talk about that later.
During the Spring Festival, the drinking culture was so prevalent. Every time, relatives would urge me to drink, but I had to refuse again and again (◍•﹏•). I stay away from alcohol.
In March and April, I was obsessed with ChatGPT for entertainment and played various types of AI products. Although ChatGPT is unreliable, it can still be used for some dirty work. I can't live without it now.
It was also during this time that I had some problems with my state of mind. I became negative and lost interest in everything, and the most obvious change was insomnia. I only slept for four to five hours a day, and my sleep schedule was messed up. I can still function because I'm young and healthy.
Due to the instability of my sleep, my body quickly retaliated: the first thing to arrive on the battlefield was tinnitus. It was constant, and I lost most of the hearing in my left ear, only hearing a buzzing sound from the outside world.
As the insomnia persisted, my hair started falling out like crazy 🦲. Faced with a pillow full of hair every morning, I finally had to cut off the hair I had grown for 8 months.
Fortunately, with the launch of the fearless contract, I immersed myself in the game world with all my heart and finally had a breakthrough at the end of November, eliminating the negative state.
Unfortunately, my brain seems to have suffered irreversible damage, and I have lost some memories.
Daily Habits#
My sleep has been poor this year, and every morning I buy a cup of Luckin Coffee as a consolation. Fortunately, my mind is still clear during the day.
Due to the poor sleep, I have been avoiding intense exercise. In June, my mental state improved slightly, so I tried to challenge myself to run for 30 consecutive days. However, after thirteen days, my calves couldn't handle the high intensity anymore, so I had to stop. Since then, I haven't run again this year, sorry.
Smoking and drinking may have become necessities for many people, but I haven't touched them this year. Let's not talk about smoking, it harms both others and oneself.
After someone went crazy with alcohol during the Spring Festival, I haven't touched any alcoholic beverages since then. I don't want to indulge myself when I'm not sober and hurt others. The reason why humans are humans is because we have our own humanity and can restrain our animal instincts. I have my own bottom line, and I will never touch cigarettes and alcohol in my life. Alcohol is harmful and has no benefits. Drinking before bed can seriously affect deep sleep and cause fragmented sleep. So don't console yourself by saying that drinking before bed helps you sleep well.
Open Source#
This year, I finally made a breakthrough and contributed a little code to the commonly used front-end UI component library to meet business needs. The actual contribution to open source was not as difficult as I imagined, but unfortunately, I didn't have much time this year, and there are still a lot of things I want to do that haven't been implemented.
With the popularity of ChatGPT at the beginning of the year, the activity level of the open source community reached an unprecedented height. So I often browse GitHub to find interesting projects and browse the issues of various UI component libraries. By studying their discussions and fixing pull requests, I learned valuable experience. At the same time, I also discovered some bugs in the dependency libraries. Due to my limited skills, I had to wait for the experts to fix them 🥹, and then I would learn from their fixes and fill in the gaps. That's how I secretly look at how others fix bugs and gradually become familiar with the projects.
Due to my technology stack, I use some projects maintained by companies and occasionally pay attention to how they handle related issues. However, these projects don't really have a community atmosphere. They only have cold issues and pull requests, and sometimes there are users venting their dissatisfaction in the issues, full of resentment, shouting, "What kind of project is this? You've caused me so much trouble!" ( 🐶)
So I have never been able to experience the community atmosphere in open source, until one day I saw the news of the new version of Vue. Out of curiosity, I clicked on its pull request, and what caught my eye was a long text introduction, listing the purpose and usage examples of the feature, and a lot of comments discussing the pros and cons in different usage scenarios, as well as separate discussion threads for specific changes. Due to my limited skills, sometimes I can only understand some new features from community discussions. Thanks to the community 🥹!
The project maintainers and the community fully exchange opinions, communicate openly and honestly, and enhance mutual understanding. This positive attitude towards changes in the project expresses a positive attitude (🐶).
I'm not sure if other communities have the same atmosphere, but the project maintainers of Vue are able to invest a lot of extra work in feature changes, write technical explanations, and improve documentation. This open and transparent contribution to open source is undoubtedly a great blessing for developers. After all, most people who write code find writing documentation very annoying, not to mention how much effort is required to write clear and understandable documentation.
Perhaps it is this kind of community that will make Vue continue to grow!
Marriage#
I solemnly declare! Compared to last year, I have made concessions. I can have a spiritual marriage, of course, I am not the one who is alive.
As we all know, Chinese parents start urging their children to get married after they graduate, and I am no exception.
Just after the Chinese New Year, my family arranged a blind date for me. Out of curiosity, I wanted to see what the arranged blind date process was like. The result was just a boring conversation. And I always felt obligated to not reject them out of face, but if I didn't talk, they would say I looked down on them (WTF😅). It was a waste of my 7-day annual leave!
After the New Year, there was another incident, but unfortunately, my mindset was off at that time, and I became even more closed off. Because I'm not good at rejecting others, it was a waste of each other's time. I'm sorry for the trouble caused to the other person.
Different people have different preferences. Some people like honey, while others like poison. Recently, a classmate got married, and he is one of the few people I can still remember. I'm happy for him and also envious.
Marriage and even love are pressures and restraints for me. Actually, love doesn't really have any restraints. After all, the law doesn't provide any protection for disputes in a romantic relationship. If two people break up, they don't owe each other anything. As for the time and energy wasted in this process, there is no compensation. Marriage, on the other hand, is different. The dominant party must give some financial compensation to the weaker party. But for me, love takes time. If a relationship doesn't last, isn't it a waste of time? Instead of that, I'd rather take vocal lessons, find a fitness coach, and improve my gaming skills. It's much better to lie at home and watch games and football broadcasts.
People are used to the old rules and order, and once they are broken, they will be at a loss. Heartbreak is nothing more than the difficulty of accepting the destruction of old habits for a while, and the new order has not yet been established. So people indulge in nostalgia for the emotional investment in the past, overestimating their own efforts. Is it really love? It's just possessiveness, like a child who has lost a toy. Why does it feel so much like quitting an addiction? Haha. Lower your expectations for love and try to do what you should do.
As for marriage, it should come from pure love, the vow to hold hands and grow old together. Unfortunately, I am selfish and cannot reach that step. I find it difficult to understand sacrificing oneself for the sake of others. I don't believe in anyone, and I don't understand why I should waste time and energy searching for someone to spend the rest of my life with among the masses. It's not interesting. Oops, I've become a two-dimensional person!
Speaking of marriage, it is inevitable to mention childbirth. It is very sad for human women. In today's society, many women are still treated as baby-making machines. I believe that many women do not want to have children, but they choose to have children due to factors such as pressure from their husbands and parents. At the same time, different from men's reproductive ability, the special nature of women's ten-month pregnancy is a huge blow to their promotion in the workplace. At the same time, the process of pregnancy is a huge physical torment for women, and there are countless cases of death due to childbirth. Therefore, as the weaker party, women should be treated preferentially, and the decision to have children should depend on the woman's personal wishes. If you, as a man, feel that this is unfair, then why did you get married? Is it for your precious son or for love and companionship?
Speaking of children, I find it difficult to agree with the existing social values. I still agree with early marriage and early childbirth. The older you get, the fewer choices you have.
These are my shallow understanding of the future. I believe that I have too many moral constraints on myself, and from the current perspective of life, it is difficult for me to become the person I want to be. So considering the trivialities of life in the future, it's better not to cause trouble for myself. I am selfish.
I still hope that couples can stay together until the end, not be swayed by external factors, because I like long and beautiful love stories. Best wishes.
Trimming#
My expectation for myself is to live until the age of 30, which I consider a success. At that time, I will still have a strong body, abundant energy, and a childlike curiosity. To die at that moment is undoubtedly the best gift. As for the world after that, every day is a blessing from heaven.
With the experiences of this year, I no longer have plans for next year. Just sleep well!
Never be satisfied with the appearance of the world, dare to explore the unknown possibilities.
See you next year!